


janus

by macbethattempest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Freestyle, Little bit of angst, M/M, kind of comparative but maybe not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 10:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12274953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macbethattempest/pseuds/macbethattempest
Summary: It's a strange feeling, when you are with him and when you are not, and that's when you feel him the most. You know you are nothing but a man, but with him, you are a man at your best.It’s a robust feeling, you realize, when you are with him. You love more, you fear more, you hate more, you feel more. With him, you are at your most, the most vibrant reflection of who you are.





	janus

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Sam Wilson Birthday Bang! I collaborated with the absolutely amazing Victoria aka transcaptainamerica! Go follow them on tumblr because they are AMAZING and they can DRAW and do ART and oh dear, such brilliance. 
> 
> Both the stunning art pieces are here:   
> http://fibonaccinumbers.tumblr.com/post/166081994099/janus-words-by-fibonaccinumbers-ao3
> 
> Thank you to the SWBB mods for being so efficient and understanding and taking it all the way to October!
> 
> Happy belated birthday Sam Wilson!
> 
> (This was supposed to be 2,000+ words but life happened)  
> ("You" is Sam Wilson)

**Steve**

You don't know how many times you have seen this man in your dreams. He always comes when you are nearing the end of your sleep, in the break of dawn, quiet hands and soft touches, feather like kisses on your body, such soft and grated desire. And you wake up in a sweat, half convinced that it was real, and half breathless.

 You lay back on the bed, your body coiled like a snake and you caress yourself with the pads of your fingers, imagining blonde hair resting on your shoulder, a carved chest clutching yours, another breath tangled with yours, and its sweet _sweet_ release, creeping slowly from the depths of your psyche.

It leaves you warm and soft, your body sated and satisfied and you fall into a deep slumber. 

At a level of conscience, your values align, your morals and his morals overriding rationality and practicality, and you feel like a warmth spread across your body. It begins in your veins, a soft fraying at the edges. It streams through your limbs, the very edges of your body, and it spreads and it creeps, coiling around your chest and binding it tight: loyalty.  

You agree _. Shield must fall. Bucky is not in the wrong._ You cannot help but agree; it's not the shield or the sigil that call to you, it's the boy who wants everything good in the world. It's the innocent desire to right the wrongs and it's the man out of time that calls to you, who persists, who doesn't stop, as the world fell to ashes around him, and a hundred years later, still continues to.

You’ve always warred with conflicting emotions: _sometimes, violence is the only option but when is that some time_ ; what is the spectrum and where do you lie on it; are you a state actor, as you had been for long, or a non-state entity? You feel your breath coming up short: what is and what is not. And you can feel him breathing beside you, a subtle rhythm of careful, calm breaths, and you match your breath to his, and its _calm_. You don’t have to figure everything out now; you have time.

He affects so many. He empathizes with so many. He changes so many. He loves so many. You are never jealous. Sometimes, the curious absence of jealousy takes you by surprise, and you realize with a start, that you are one with him. You affect, you empathize, you change, you love, _with him._  

It's a strange feeling, when you are with him and when you are not, and that's when you feel him the most. You know you are nothing but a man, but with him, you are a man at your best. 

**James**

It takes you by surprise, the intensity of the physical manifestation of the emotions, when you feel them for another, the acute need and want that claws at your chest. It's not soft and gentle and a caress of love. It's raw and rough and the nails scratching on backs.

You wake up in the night sometimes, your body so tense that you feel it could split into fragments with the sheer intensity of your want. Your body wants to be ravaged tonight, and you roughly hit your head against the headboard as you lay back and stroke yourself with reckless fingers. You feel stubble across your cheek, a cold hand holding your breath, teeth pulling your ear.

Your chest arcs up and you feel your breath leave your body. Your orgasm hits you out of nowhere, a sudden phenomenon, and leaves you panting and shuddering, your heart beating to the tandem of the pounding in your ears. And you're bright awake.

You want to punch him in the chest. It's as simple as that. You want to knock the air out of him, to make him stop speaking. You don't like him. Everything he says, you want to dispute it. 

You combat his words with words, and his actions with actions. You can't help it. You feel like a raging inferno, your breath coming in fast and hard, and you feel like you could do anything.

You’ve always warred with conflicting emotions: _sometimes, violence is the only option but when is that some time_ ; what is the spectrum and where do you lie on it; are you a state actor, as you had been for long, or a non-state entity? You feel your breath coming up short: what is and what is not. You can feel his presence beside you: a constantly burning flame. He forces you to _choose_ ; it hurts you, the persistence. And then in the moments just before you are about to sleep, you know, that there are times you _need_ to choose and you _know_ , you would refrain if not for him, and you let out a deep breath: struggle is constant, and so is persistence.

It’s a robust feeling, you realize, when you are with him. You love more, you fear more, you hate more, you feel more. With him, you are at your most, the most vibrant reflection of who you are.

 


End file.
